According to many experts you can begin to BREAK TRAUMA BONDS
Break TRAUMA BONDS within your life today for free. Just try this
A trauma bond is a complex psychological condition in which the victim in an abusive relationship may feel an intense sense of closeness, loyalty, and affection for their abuser. This can cause the person to stay with the abuser, defend the abuser, and go out of their way to please the abuser. If you are in an abusive relationship, then it is important to seek help to get out of the relationship and prevent further abuse; however, breaking a trauma bond with an abuser may be necessary for some people to feel like they can move on. While breaking the bond can be very difficult, especially if the relationship is codependent, it is possible to do. Some strategies that you can use to break a trauma bond include examining the relationship, committing to make changes to your own behavior, and seeking the support of other people.
Write a story about the relationship. Gaining some perspective on an abusive or dysfunctional relationship can be helpful when you are trying to break a trauma bond. One way that you can do this is by writing story about your relationship.
Write the story in the third person, such as by calling yourself by your proper name. For example, if your name is Janet, then refer to yourself as Janet in the story.
Tell the story of the relationship from beginning to end. Try to include information about the highs and lows of the relationship. For example, you might say something like, “Janet and Bill were a happy loving couple at first, but then Bill started to hit her when he became frustrated with her or when he had a bad day.”
Share the story with a close friend or with your therapist when you are finished. Reading the story may be therapeutic and it will give you a chance to talk about some of the things you have experienced.
Ask questions about your relationship. Another way that you can examine your relationship is to ask and answer certain questions about it. You can also ask and answer questions about your ideal relationship so that you can compare what you currently have with what you would like to have. Some questions you might ask yourself include:
What do I want from a relationship? What kind of person would I like to be bonded to?
How does my current relationship affect me?
Am I being valued in this relationship? If not, then what is the other person doing to devalue me? What am I doing to devalue me?
In what ways do I overreact and/or under-react in this relationship?
Examine your attempts to change the person. Another important factor in breaking a trauma bond is making a commitment to stop trying to change the person you are bonded to. You may feel as though you can explain your feelings to this person and get them to change their behavior, but this is not realistic thinking.[
Think about how often you have tried to explain your perspective to the other person. Or perhaps you have tried to write letters to the person to explain your feelings and perspective. These are normal behaviors in a trauma bonded relationship, but it is unlikely that these measures will be effective.
Acknowledge that you cannot control how the other person feels, thinks, or acts. You can only control your actions and words.
Make a vow to be honest with yourself. Being honest with yourself is important if you want to experience true change and break the bond you have with this person. You will need to practice identifying when you are lying to yourself or overlooking something important in your relationship with this person.
It can be difficult to face the truth about how unhealthy the relationship is, but it is in your best interest.
Try telling yourself something like, “I am committed to being honest with myself.”
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